A selection of groan-worthy cycling-related jokes, as told by Cycling Weekly readers
We recently asked Cycling Weekly readers to tell us their favourite cycling joke. Here are a selection of answers, brought to you in association with Decathlon.
What is the best (or worst) cycling-related joke that you have ever heard? Add it in the comments section below.
My friend rode into a tree the other day racing round his back garden. Thankfully he was able to continue, his bark was worse than his bike.
“I’ve really had it with my dog: he’ll chase anyone on a bicycle.”
“So what are you going to do – leave him at the dog’s home? Give him away? Sell him?”
“No, nothing that drastic. I think I’ll just confiscate his bike.”
Driving one winter’s day, I spotted my mate chest-high in snow.
I shouted to offer him a lift but he said: “no thanks, I’m on the bike”.
Since things turned sour with my wife a fortnight ago, I’ve taken to riding 50 miles a day to clear my head. I’m now 700 miles from home and feeling much happier.
Two bits of tarmac in a pub were discussing who was the hardest.
“I’m part of the M25, four lanes of stationary traffic every day, that’s hard!”
“That’s nowt,” replied the other, “I’m mental me, M1 near Sheffield, always getting dug up, nowt harder than that!”
Just then the door opens and in walks some green tarmac. Both bits of road dive under the table, quivering.
“I thought you said you were the hardest?” said the M25
“It’s that green tarmac, he’s a cyclepath!”
“Here mate, your wheel’s going round”.
A tandem rider is stopped by the police.
“What have I done wrong?” says the rider.
“Perhaps you didn’t notice, sir, but your wife fell off half a mile back”.
“Thank god for that,” says the rider. “I thought I’d gone deaf”.
“I prefer running…”
A cyclist lying on his deathbed asked his best friend to do him a favour when he’d gone. “Anything,” replied his friend.
“Just don’t let my wife sell my bikes for what I told her I paid for them,” he begged.
A vicar was stopped by the police at night for not having a back light.
The vicar says: “I don’t need a back light, the Lord is with me”.
The policeman says: “Two on a bike as well, that’s another offence”.
Why could the bike not stand up on its own?
It was two tyre’d.
Why can’t elephants ride bikes?
They don’t have thumbs to ring the bell.
Chris Froome not making the top 16 nominees for BBC Sports Personality of the Year. The selection panel are a joke.