1. "I think my brake might be rubbing"
Translation: "I haven't been doing enough training, please don't drop me"
2. "I'm having a rest day"
Translation: "I just couldn't be bothered"
3. "I could really do with a lighter bike"
Translation: "I need to eat less cake"
4. "How's your training been going?"
Translation: "I really hope I can keep up with you"
5. "Yeah, my training's been going OK, but still feel like there's more to come"
Translation: "I'm absolutely flying and am going to drop you immediately"
6. "My legs aren't feeling too good this morning"
Translation: "I was out on the beers last night and would really prefer to be in bed"
7. "I got a flat at just the wrong moment"
Translation: "I didn't have the legs and got dropped like a stone"
8. "I don't really take my training seriously, I just try to enjoy riding my bike"
Translation: "I've got a training plan written out for the next three years and will be following it religiously"
9. "No, this tan is completely natural"
Translation: "I was up till 2am making sure the fake tan was applied evenly"
10. "I'm really more of a rouleur"
Translation: "I'm carrying a few extra pounds and I'm sorry if I get dropped at the first hill"
11. "I'm just treating this as a training race"
Translation: "When I get dropped in the neutralised section, at least I've got an excuse"
This article was updated on October 23, 2017
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Henry Robertshaw began his time at Cycling Weekly working with the tech team, writing reviews, buying guides and appearing in videos advising on how to dress for the seasons. He later moved over to the news team, where his work focused on the professional peloton as well as legislation and provision for cycling. He's since moved his career in a new direction, with a role at the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs.