Show me a blurry image of a bike, and within seconds I’m fully zoomed in, thinking, 'Ooooh! That’s lovely!'
Dr Hutch knows that bike leaks are fully staged, but they still get him dreaming of how much faster he could go
The Tour of Auvergne-Rhône Alps is still one of my favourite races. It may have changed its name from the easier-to-remember Critérium du Dauphiné, but in another aspect it hasn’t changed at all. It is the New Bike Race, when all the new stuff appears before the Tour de France.
Or at least, it sort of appears. Nothing gets formally announced or launched; it gets leaked. And like any leak, it first and foremost serves the interests of the leaker.
The new S-Works SL9, for example, was not paraded for the press, but was photographed with a telephoto lens by Cyclingnews journo Will Jones while he was hiding in a bush. Which was very enterprising of him.
On the other hand, it’s hard not to feel that if the team really wanted to keep it a secret they might not have brought it to the centre of the biggest concentration of bike-tech reporters in the world and left it leaning against the mechanics’ truck. Granted it was the “non-public” side of the truck, but still. MI6 would find things to criticise.
There was a bike from Cube, which was presented at a photo-call, with no information whatsoever offered about it. There was an Orbea, which was presented in a little more detail, but with weird hand-painted camouflage squiggles to apparently try to disguise its exact shape. And the new Van Rysel was “spotted” on a team car roof-rack without so much as a paper bag over it.
Other popular ways to tease new bikes include the classic, “Rider gives away new team bike in careless social media post!” where half a bike is visible in the background of a post about, let’s say, the rider’s dog. Despite it accidentally giving away a “secret”, this post is never deleted. Same with YouTube videos.
Michael Hutchinson is a writer, journalist and former professional cyclist. As a rider he won multiple national titles in both Britain and Ireland and competed at the World Championships and the Commonwealth Games. He was a three-time Brompton folding-bike World Champion, and once hit 73 mph riding down a hill in Wales. His Dr Hutch columns appears in every issue of Cycling Weekly magazine
All I can say is, how well the marketing departments know me. If you introduce me to a new bike by means of a press-release, lots of good photos, maybe a white paper on the technology that’s gone into it, with some aero-testing numbers and a full spec, well, I probably won’t be that excited. I can see exactly what it is and what it does, and in the end, it’s just a bike.
On the other hand, show me a blurry image of a bike apparently snatched on an iPhone, and within seconds I’m fully zoomed in trying to spot the alleged differences from the maker’s earlier bikes. “A curved seat tube, you say? Re-profiled head-tube? Let me see…. ooooh! That’s lovely!” Or show me only half a bike with a dog in the way. Then tell me it’s not yet commercially available, and don’t tell me the price.
Moments later you’ll find me in my bike-store looking at the very lovely bikes I already own and love muttering, “Stupid straight seat-tube. If that was curved I bet that would reduce the turbulence flowing onto the back wheel. And that old head-tube, that must be costing at least five watts.”
It’s the same sort of fog-of-ignorance upgrade-it mindset that savvy bike-shop owners take advantage of when, instead of helping a customer to find the right bike for them at the right price, they leave them alone with their own thoughts, their credit card, and some minimal information. That way the customer persuades him or herself that they need features and specs no responsible salesperson would try to sell them.
The only thing that saves me is the quantity of new stuff. So many new bikes at once, along with so many new wheelsets, new tyres, and new helmets. It just produces a paralysis of indecision. I want it all so badly that I can’t prioritise.
One day the bike trade is going to work this out, of course, and just leak one single, beautiful product. When they do, I’ll basically be a salmon, flapping on their hook.
Michael Hutchinson is a writer, journalist and former professional cyclist. As a rider he won multiple national titles in both Britain and Ireland and competed at the World Championships and the Commonwealth Games. He was a three-time Brompton folding-bike World Champion, and once hit 73 mph riding down a hill in Wales. His Dr Hutch columns appears in every issue of Cycling Weekly magazine
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