The cycling club. A place for all types of riders to come together on a Sunday and enjoy a relaxing ride in the company of their fellow bike lovers. And it’s likely you’ll encounter at least one of these every week.

1. The navigator

Map

A handy visualisation of map reading in case you weren’t sure

Traditionally a role that falls on a veteran member of the club, seeing how they’ve ridden every one of the routes at least 200 times. Even with the advent of GPS devices, there’s probably a designated set of ride leaders to take on map duties, who can be divided into two categories: willing and reluctant.

Either way, they’re essential. Mostly because they know where the cafe is.

>>> Improve your bunch riding skills: up close and personal

2. The Strava addict

Strava prove it t-shirt

You’ve got nothing to prove here, mate

Love it or hate it, Strava isn’t going anywhere. And neither are those KOM hunters.

To the rest of the Strava lovers, you’re only cheating yourself by riding in the slipstream before going hell-for-leather on a designated segment. To the rest of your club mates, you’re the guy constantly jumping off the front and ramping up the pace, much to the annoyance of those just looking for a jovial morning spin.

Save it for the solo rides.

3. The wheel sucker

Alba Rosa club-ride-1

You can’t hide back there

You haven’t paid anything, but this isn’t a free ride.

4. The café hunter

bristol_ride_club_142.CR2

Off the road, into the cafe. The best bit for some. (Credit: Jesse Wild)

The cycling club equivalent of kids in the back of the car repeating “are we there yet?”

Asking every 5km if that cafe up the road is the stop can get grinding, but there’s always the potential they’ll be so happy when they finally reach it, that they’ll buy you a flapjack.

>>> 13 things your friends don’t understand about cycling

5. The half-wheeler

£3k bike test

This was originally a group of 50 until someone started half-wheeling.

The not too distant cousin of the Strava addict. This is rule one in the book of no-nos during club rides, and won’t make you very popular with the people floundering out the back. Clubs generally hold dedicated training sessions for those looking to race, so keep a lid on it until then.

6. The never enough rider

IPCIMMGLPICT000005062142

Shouldn’t have done those hill reps before hand.

“But we’ve only done 130km?!”

They may or may not also turn-up to the start and talk about having ridden 60km to get there.

7. The mechanic

IPCIMMGLPICT000004487363

The mechanic. Not just a mediocre Jason Statham movie from 2011.

Like to show their inner tube changing speed on any wheel going, and you might as well let them.

Also enjoy passing on their infinite wisdom about how you’re using the wrong gears, you could be a bit more efficient in your pedalling and what your next wheel upgrade should be.

8. Legs

Cyclist in shorts

Guns out doesn’t necessarily mean sun’s out (Andy Jones)

Simply bare legs whatever the weather. A Boxing Day ride is no place for your pale uncovered pins.

9. The always late rider

chippenham_wheelers_026.CR2

This is what waiting looks like. (Credit: Jesse Wild)

Try telling only them that ride starts at 8.45 when it really starts at 9. Their sixth sense for lateness will probably leave you waiting til 9.20 anyway.

10. The hard man

DE VLAEMINCK Roger

Leave the big rings to Roger (Credit: Yuzuru Sunada)

Just because you’re riding a 54×42 chainset around the South Downs, it doesn’t make you Roger De Vlaeminck.

  • Tyler Durden

    The Comeback.

  • ian franklin

    Any other nonsense CW (in the name of good journalism off course)? Why does everything have to be reduced to the lowest common denominator?

  • Harvey

    No, you wear the shorts UNDER the pants.

  • KarlRoche

    The nodder and the Loudmouth. Kind of speak for themselves, the loudmouth especially.

  • John Doe

    I don’t get 8. Gay pants are ok but shorts aren’t?

  • Stephen Fortune

    don’t forget the ‘blagger’ – they pass you 20% more quickly pretending not to be exerting any effort but secretly killing themselves..

  • DJP

    The Stinger. (all the gear, no idea)

  • errol_day

    The Chopper.

  • Pee Bee

    You’ve forgotten la lanterne rouge.