The best/worst cycling jokes

A selection of groan-worthy cycling-related jokes, as told by Cycling Weekly readers

(Image credit: Yuzuru Sunada)

We asked Cycling Weekly readers to tell us their favourite cycling joke and here are a selection of them.

Is your favourite cycling-related joke missing from this list? Add it in the comments section below.

My friend rode into a tree the other day racing round his back garden. Thankfully he was able to continue, his bark was worse than his bike.

Pete Young

“I’ve really had it with my dog: he’ll chase anyone on a bicycle.”

“So what are you going to do – leave him at the dog’s home? Give him away? Sell him?”

“No, nothing that drastic. I think I’ll just confiscate his bike.”

Geoff Kay

Driving one winter's day, I spotted my mate chest-high in snow.

I shouted to offer him a lift but he said: “no thanks, I'm on the bike".

Gareth Thomas

>>> What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever eaten while cycling?

Since things turned sour with my wife a fortnight ago, I've taken to riding 50 miles a day to clear my head. I'm now 700 miles from home and feeling much happier.

Martin Deaves

Two bits of tarmac in a pub were discussing who was the hardest.

“I’m part of the M25, four lanes of stationary traffic every day, that’s hard!”

“That’s nowt,” replied the other, “I’m mental me, M1 near Sheffield, always getting dug up, nowt harder than that!”

Just then the door opens and in walks some green tarmac. Both bits of road dive under the table, quivering.

“I thought you said you were the hardest?” said the M25

“It’s that green tarmac, he’s a cyclepath!”

Darren Smith

“Here mate, your wheel’s going round”.

Shaun O’Shea

>>> Dr Hutch: Seven great acts of cycling stupidity

A tandem rider is stopped by the police.

“What have I done wrong?” says the rider.

“Perhaps you didn't notice, sir, but your wife fell off half a mile back”.

“Thank god for that,” says the rider. “I thought I'd gone deaf”.

Adrian Leigh

“I prefer running...”

Martin Leach

A cyclist lying on his deathbed asked his best friend to do him a favour when he'd gone. “Anything,” replied his friend.

“Just don't let my wife sell my bikes for what I told her I paid for them,” he begged.

Caroline Hirsch

A vicar was stopped by the police at night for not having a back light.

The vicar says: “I don’t need a back light, the Lord is with me”.

The policeman says: “Two on a bike as well, that’s another offence”.

Dave Connor

Why could the bike not stand up on its own?

It was two tyre'd.

Peter Smyth

Why can't elephants ride bikes?

They don't have thumbs to ring the bell.

Robin Rance

What's the hardest part of learning to ride a bike?

The road.

Stuart Coppelly

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