TALES FROM THE BROOMWAGON: SUNDAY & MONDAY

Tales from the Broomwagon

Day 9
Sunday, July 15
Taninges - Tignes

After six nights in the Broomwagon we were looking forward to a night of comfort in a chalet-style apartment we'd managed to book. The woman at the agency we called gave the impression we should thank our lucky stars we'd called at that moment, and not 30 seconds later, because, she assured us, this was the last available room in the whole of Tignes.

Although the road up to Tignes may lack the mystique, history and hairpins of Alpe d'Huez, the resort at the top is far, far classier.

The Tour has never been here before, which is surprising considering it's visited just about every other resort spanning this ridge of the Alps. After a dramatic stage, won by Michael Rasmussen, it'll surely be back soon.

The other give-away was the rocking of the shoulders and nodding of the heads. We haven't seen that style in the mountains for a while.

Unfortunately the electricity didn't work and after a quick call to the letting agency they miraculously rustled up an alternative apartment on the second floor. It wasn't any bigger but at least the lights worked.

Pulling a narrow, wafer-thin single mattress out from under the sofa, I contemplated a night of an entirely different discomfort. Then we broke the news to our photographer, Tom, that he'd have to sleep in the Broomwagon. "It's okay, I'll sleep on the floor in the apartment."

"There isn't any space on the floor, honestly."

We barely dented the cheese but by the end I calculated I'd eat nine large boiled potatoes and was beginning to have cheese-related hallucinations.

Where we stayed: The world's smallest appartment, Tignes?Rating: 0 chalets

Day 10
Monday, July 16
Tignes

At last we had what you could just about call a rest day, or at least a 'rest afternoon'. We resolved to file the work we had to do by lunchtime, then enjoy a few hours off, eat at a sensible hour (anytime before 10pm being a bonus) and get an early night.

I'd had a restless night. Partly it was cheese related, partly it was my decision to sleep in the Bouygues Telecom t-shirt chucked out by the Publicity Caravan. It was made of polyester and must surely have been a fire hazard. Had I any hair on my head it would have been stood on end like the eccentric bloke in the Back to the Future movies, or Vladimir Karpets first thing in the morning.

Having first covered the Tour in 1999, this was the first day that wasn't conducted at a million miles an hour with a vein in my forehead on the verge of pulsing through the skin. But it wasn't without its obstacles. Tom, the photographer, trod dog poo into the Broomwagon and was despatched to clean it up. The lift to the apartment broke. And we discovered too late that the Astana press conference was taking place at a hotel eight kilometres away - too far to walk even on a rest day.

On the upside there was the surreal sight of seeing Johan Museeuw washing his Museeuw Bikes-branded car. We'd have thought he'd have some minions to do that for him.

And, it being rest day, there were plenty of WAGs [riders' wives and girlfriends] about.

There were also some of the saddest cycling groupies I've ever seen. You know the type - wearing 15-year-old team kit, fluorescent sunshades and carrying a rucksack containing a scrapbook with the autograph of every professional rider since 1982.

Fluorescent shades seem to be coming back. David Millar's been wearing some, even though they clash dreadfully with his Saunier Duval kit, and Alexandre Vinokourov has some too - although we'll let him off because they're probably the height of fashion in Kazakhstan - along with those technicolour t-shirts that change colour in the heat, shellsuits and jade green Pierre Cardin cardigans.

That's enough Borat-style humour.

We intended to eat dinner at the L'Escale Blanche by the lake in Tignes but were told the tables inside were all reserved. We sat outside, tried to order from the speciality section of the menu and were told we could only do so if we were sitting inside.

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Sports journalist Lionel Birnie has written professionally for Sunday Times, Procycling and of course Cycling Weekly. He is also an author, publisher, and co-founder of The Cycling Podcast. His first experience covering the Tour de France came in 1999, and he has presented The Cycling Podcast with Richard Moore and Daniel Friebe since 2013. He founded Peloton Publishing in 2010 and has ghostwritten and published the autobiography of Sean Kelly, as well as a number of other sports icons.