As I prepare to moan about the UAE Tour for the entirety of this intro I hold little concern that anyone will object, save those employed in an official capacity to care about the Middle Eastern stage race.
While people hold Very Strong™ opinions on the idea of sportswashing, otherwise known as protestation against any race held east of Turkey, you don't even need to dig that deep.
Firstly, what a waste of time and money getting helicopter cameramen for aerial views of what is effectively a car park in a desert inhabited by Instagram influencers. Secondly, the level of racing and the seriousness with which it's taken by the riders allows for Jasper Philipsen to dismount his bike and run alongside the peloton mid-stage.
Maybe you disagree, maybe I'll soon be picked up by Emirati security agents and disappeared for my wanton insolence. I wonder if the Cycling Weekly travel budget extends to a rescue mission...
PS: We've also got some Tour du Rwanda tweets in there as a remedy.
1. I think everything should be measured in terms of the 2020 Italian Olympic track team from now on
Yesterday the last 4km were done in 3'54" with the tailwind. Still, we were 10" slower than the italians at team pursuit on track. With standing start.Just sayingFebruary 21, 2022
2. Lads lads lads, beer beer beer
Rwanda has a jersey for the stage winner and it’s sponsored by Amstel. It’s an instant classic pic.twitter.com/05nsEyTolVFebruary 21, 2022
3. Couldn't have put it better myself
There are times when you watch a bike race and forget that what you're really watching is just a bunch of people at work. Then there's the UAE Tour, which is like having a webcam in an actuary's office in Birmingham.February 21, 2022
4. Didn't have Jasper Philipsen down as a physical comedy guy, I'll correct my notes
Taking the piss now lads#UAETour pic.twitter.com/skQt2ttK84February 21, 2022
5. Maybe Tadej Pogačar and I aren't so different after all
These two are dominating the #UAEtour2022 💪🏻 @TamauPogi @JasperPhilipsen pic.twitter.com/HoHBHYZbkzFebruary 24, 2022
6. The Sky money was that good huh
Fresh from his win at Ruta del Sol, the ever humble @WoutPoels still knows his place 💅🤣 #whereiswout #fixingmypuncture pic.twitter.com/pcBRS099EYFebruary 24, 2022
7. Got to admit, didn't see this one coming
Thrilled to be part of @eSC_LIVE ! Here is how it unfolded pic.twitter.com/SBpb9rDP1SFebruary 24, 2022
8. This spot is reserved for the wholesome actually good tweet of this week
Belle échappée, beau parcours, repris à quatre kilomètres de l’arrivée. 🥉Alan, troisième.🟡 @laurance_axel leader du #TdRwanda22 !Si quelqu’un a une tactique pour contrôler une course à seulement 4 coureurs… Je suis preneur ! 😂 @BBHOTELS_KTM pic.twitter.com/eABfolhGh0February 23, 2022
9. I've spent at least five minutes trying to come up with a pun combining a famous artist and the beach and have now lost interest so this caption will have to do instead
Any parent that can recreate that (while with their child) 🎩 #nochance pic.twitter.com/Wko0xiuIazFebruary 23, 2022
10. Need to see UAE Team Emirates versus a Rugby 7s team in a combined-discipline mega championship
Massive congrats to @TeamEmiratesUAE for winning the latest stage of the UAE World Tour race yesterday with TDF winner Tadej Pogacar now leading the race.Throwback to December when Cycling met Rugby on Pitch 1!Stay tuned for more content 😎🚴♂️#Dubai7s #rugby #UAETeamEmirates pic.twitter.com/yAlbHG6HaAFebruary 24, 2022
We'll be back in a week's time with more passably humorous tweets.
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