In one of the most bizarre claims of recent times, the Daily Express says it's quicker to ride a donkey to work in London than take a bus, all because us pesky cyclists want safer roads to ride on.
As part of its crusade - their word, not ours - to get Britain moving, the Express exclusively revealed that the average speed of a bus in the capital was 9.2mph thanks to the ongoing cycling infrastructure improvements.
"London's commuters could find it quicker riding a donkey to work than getting a bus as cycle works - for the benefit of an elite five per cent who pedal - cause further congestion in the capital's streets," the Express sensationally claims in its lead paragraph.
The story then goes on to make the remarkable donkey claim, saying that an ass can travel at 10mph - faster than the average bus.
The key word in that sentence is CAN. A bus can travel at upwards of 30mph - trust me, I've seen it happen in London - but stick a donkey in the carbon monoxide-ridden traffic jams around London - which have been there for years, not just since the superhighway work started - and it wouldn't be keen to trot along at 10mph.
In fact, you'd be lucky to get to your office if you were relying on a donkey, as they might get scared off by all the cars on the road and people honking their horns about the fact that there's a bloody donkey on the road.
Understandably, the works to improve the cycling infrastructure in London are causing a few problems for car drivers in the city, but the idea is that at the end of the work more people will be tempted into taking their bicycle to work.
So, in the long run, buses will be able to reach their optimal speeds and cyclists will be able get to work without fear of being run down by a vehicle - or a donkey, for that matter.
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Stuart Clarke is a News Associates trained journalist who has worked for the likes of the British Olympic Associate, British Rowing and the England and Wales Cricket Board, and of course Cycling Weekly. His work at Cycling Weekly has focused upon professional racing, following the World Tour races and its characters.
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