Items needed: trident, horns, white beard
Surely the most recognisible cycling fan there is, Didi the Devil needs no introduction, leaping in the air as the peloton passes at races all over Europe.
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The outfit is the easiest part of the package, and if you can’t find a Devil costume at this time of year, then you’re not trying hard enough.
The more difficult part is to be a convincing Didi. If you didn’t hold the school high jump record in your youth, then forget it.
In order to be truly terrifying for passing cyclists then you need to be able to leap a good metre and a half in the air, even at the age of 66, all while wagging your tongue around like a madman and waving a large plastic trident
The Euro Cyclist
Items needed: white Sidis, white kit, spray tan
Want to go trick or treating, but can’t face the hassle of walking from door to door? Then the Euro Pro is the persona for you. The most important thing is to look cool, and there’s nothing cool about walking in cycling shoes, so you have to ride everywhere. On a Bianchi or Colnago with Campagnolo Super Record components. Obviously.
You’re outfit must be predominantly white, and must be pristine. This is really important as it will help to bring out the best of that glorious golden tan, although if you’re going for this look in Barnsley in October, then you might be in need of a bit of spray tan to look your best. Just don’t go getting it on your kit
The Super Mario
Items needed: leopard print leotard, leopard print bike, crown
This is a version of the Euro Pro but taken to another level. You’re going to need a few months of preparation in order to do justice to this costume, with a muscular upper body that will really test the seams on your skintight jersey.
The tan is also important, although you can leave the white kit at home for this one. The only way to pull off a full homage to the Lion King is with a full leopard print leotard, complemented by a matching bike, and maybe even a crown to top off the look.
Items needed: Any outift/props that will get you on TV
The only things that unites the greatest cycling fans are a strong pair of legs to let them run alongside their favourite riders for minutes at a time, and an ability to attract the attention of TV cameramen.
Borat outfits may raise eyebrows, but unless you want to spend Halloween in a police cell then it’s best to cover up a bit more. Therefore props are going to be a vital part of your outfit, so look for anything that will catch the eye: maybe a metre long syringe, oversized antlers, or an actual stuffed boar tucked under your arm.
Now, just head down to the town centre, and run alongside any cyclists you see, showering them with spittle as you scream “encouragement” in their faces.
The Belgian Cyclocross Fan
Items needed: six pack of Leffe (x2), someone to drive you home
The opposite of the Super Fan, your costume is nowhere near the top of your agenda, and neither, as it happens, is watching any cycling. Instead your main priority is to get as drunk as possible, ideally in the middle of a muddy field, all the time maintaining some air of self-dignity. Or not (see above).
Of course, try this in your local town centre this Saturday, and you might not actually stand out from the crowd that much.
The only downside is that bottles of Duvel are likely to be a hell of a lot more expensive in Wetherspoons than they are in the middle of Koksijde.
Items needed: compression socks, visor cap, clip-on TT bars
What do you mean you don’t own any compression socks? Everyone uses them nowadays. It doesn’t matter if it makes me look like you’re out for a run in football socks, they make you 0.5 seconds faster over 10km, so there’s no reason why you shouldn’t wear them.
Aside from the compression socks you’ll obviously need a trisuit, visor cap, and ride around in the middle of a bunch with clip-on TT bars that give you zero access to your brakes.
Oh, and plenty of scars on your hips and elbows from when cornering on those TT bars didn’t quite go to plan.