1. These lights that will tell you when to pack a rain jacket

The 360º visibility is useful, but you’re an adult, just look at the weather forecast.

2. This weird coconut thing that makes your bike sound like a horse

Most of the things on this list have some practical purpose. Trotify doesn’t.

3. This bell that’s as loud as a freight train

There’s no chance of not being heard with Nello

4. This Garmin mount that’s also a bell

One less thing to have on your handlebars

5. These jackets that have built in lights

Useful if it’s chilly in a club

6. This automatic lube dispenser that, er, automatically dispenses lube

For all the lazy home mechanics out there

7. This light that’s also a lock

Self-explanatory really

8. This bike lock that won’t let you ride home from the pub

Had one too many? This breathalyser lock will force you to get a cab home

9. This “smart” helmet that lets you listen to music

It also has lights and lets you answer your phone

10. This phone charger that attaches to your wheels

Never run out of juice again

11. This helmet that has indicators

You turn them on and off with buttons on your bars

12. These Rapha headphones that are made from African Hair Sheep leather

Non-vegetarian headphones

13. This rear light which looks like… well…

It really is called bike balls

14. These pedals that come with GPS

There isn’t a Speedplay version coming any time soon

15. This stationary bike that will let you get your washing done

Get two jobs done at once

16. This GPS sensor that will improve your cornering

A black box for your bike

17. This bra that will keep your hands warm

Yes, it really is called BarBra